Death to the Feedback 💩 Sandwich

(And What Works Instead)

The most popular feedback method is sabotaging your team culture, but don’t despair! there’s a much better, simple alternative that actually helps people grow.

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I have a confession: every time I see a workshop slide promoting the "feedback sandwich", a little part of my soul dies.

The Sandwich method is promoted as a ‘simple and effective formula’: Start with something positive ❤️, slip in the criticism 💩, then end with another compliment to "soften the blow" 🌸. It's presented as THE way to give feedback in countless leadership training, HR workshops, and management books.

And it's creating exactly the opposite of what we actually want.

The Problem With Trying To Be ‘Nice’

Let's be honest about what really happens when you deploy the feedback sandwich:

Everyone sees it coming from a mile away. We get so used to it, that after the first compliment, people ‘brace for impact’. That initial appreciative feedback becomes meaningless because everyone knows it's just a setup for what's really coming.

It feels manipulative. Because, well... it kind of is. You're packaging your critique in somewhat ‘fake’ positivity, trying to trick someone into receiving it better. People can sense this emotional manipulation, even if they can't name it.

It prevents real dialogue. The sandwich method is fundamentally one-directional. You're downloading your observations onto someone else, not creating a conversation where actual learning can happen.

It trains people to tune out. When every piece of feedback follows the same predictable formula, people learn to wait for the "but" and ignore everything else, dismissing any real appreciation in the mix.

The feedback sandwich isn't just ineffective, it's actively harmful to building the kind of open, authentic and honest communication culture most teams actually want (and need).

What We're Really After

Before we dive into a better alternatives, let's get clear on what effective feedback is actually trying to accomplish:

• Build self-awareness about strengths and challenges. Rather than being a mechanism for external judgment.

• Create a constructive dialogue, instead of being a one-way criticism delivery.

• Strengthen relationships through honest communication, rather than creating performative interactions.

• Help people set their growth areas, instead of trying to please someone else’s expectations.
  

The goal isn't to make yourself feel comfortable delivering criticism. The goal is to help the other person develop and improve.

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Enter the Pendleton Method

There's a better way, and it's beautifully simple. Instead of YOU telling THEM what they did wrong, you create space for THEM to self-reflect with your support.

Here's how we use it:

Step 1: Self-Reflection First

The basic format is ‘good’ > ‘bad’ > ‘change’. For example:

Good: "What do you think went well in that presentation?" "How did you feel about how that meeting went?" "What are you most proud of in this project?"

Bad: "What felt challenging for you?" “What do you think that didn’t work so well?” 

Change: "What would you do differently next time?" "If you could run that session again, what would you change?" 

Step 2: Collaborative Input

Here is where you can help them by adding your reflection on top of theirs. And support them to find a way forward. For example:

"I noticed a couple of other things, would you like to hear them?" "Is there anything specific you will like to hear my reflection about?" "What support do you need to work on that?"

Why This Actually Works

It builds genuine self-awareness. You're not just telling someone what you observed, you're helping them develop the skill of honest self-reflection.

It reduces defensiveness. When people have a chance to reflect first on their behaviour/ actions/ ideas, and share the reflection with others, they're much more likely to be open to hearing what others have to say.

People often already know what didn’t work so well. It's remarkable how often someone will name exactly what you were planning to address, but now they own it.

It creates real dialogue. Instead of a feedback delivery session, you're having a conversation where both people are contributing insights, and looking at ways to improve.

It feels authentic. There's no emotional manipulation or fake positivity. You're genuinely curious about their experience and perspective.

But What If They Don't See It?

"But what if they don't identify the thing I want to address?" This is the most common pushback I hear.

Here's the thing: if someone genuinely can't see a significant performance issue after thoughtful self-reflection, that tells you something important about their self-awareness or the clarity of expectations. Those are different problems that require different approaches than a feedback sandwich.

And more often than not, people do see it. They're usually harder on themselves than you would be. The Pendleton method gives them permission to be honest about what they already know.

Making the Shift

If you've been relying on the sandwich method, making this shift might feel vulnerable at first. You're giving up control of the conversation and trusting the other person to engage honestly.

But that's exactly why it works!

Here's the secret: people don't just want to avoid criticism. They want to grow, improve, and do meaningful work. The Pendleton method help them tap into their intrinsic motivation.

Beyond the Method

The Pendleton approach is just one example of what becomes possible when we make space for more self-reflection, authenticity, honesty and open communication. We stop trying to force change onto people, and we start creating conditions where we can help each other to grow instead.

This shift (from judgment to curiosity, from telling to asking, from managing to trusting) is at the heart of building truly collaborative teams.

The feedback sandwich has to die, so something better can live.

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Want to learn more about our approaches to feedback? checkout our self-paced course on Building a Feedback Culture